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Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Stop peeing on the toilet!

Being pregnant, I spend a lot of time in the bathroom. I have to pee every 30 minutes or so.  I have noticed that men and women seem to have very different private bathroom habits. Oh, let me count the ways…


1.       In private or public, men seem to have an issue with peeing IN the toilet. No guys, getting close doesn't count. It’s a pain in the ass when you’re as big as a house and have to pee like a race horse only to pause to clean up someone else’s urine off the seat before sitting, or placing the protective paper on the seat to pee. I’ll tell you like I tell my son. If you feel or know you can’t hit the target when peeing, sit your ass down.  Women, never have that problem. We HAVE to sit, or at least hover to pee so we always hit the target. No muss, no fuss.
2.       This week alone, I have replaced our toilet paper roll 3 times. Every time we run out toilet paper, I replace the roll. The menfolk however, have not mastered this art form yet. Instead, I will find it behind the toilet, sitting on top of the old roll that still on the dispenser, or on the floor next to the toilet…*sigh* Y’all, we women have to wipe EVERY TIME we use the restroom, whether we pee or poop. It’s not hard to replace the roll after you use half of one to wipe your ass. Here's an instructional clip to show you how it's done in case you aren't sure.













3.       Most of us shave. Some shave our bodies (Legs, underarms, crotches, etc) and some shave our faces. If we women can’t get away with leaving our body hair in the bathtub when we shave, men shouldn't
get away with leaving their face hair in the sink when they shave. It sucks going to wash your hands to find that it won’t drain because half of Sasquatch’s hair is in the sink.
4.       I get yelled at all the time because, “I spend too much time showering.” I take the time to get wet, wash my entire body, rinse, do my face, and if I have to, wash my hair. The Husband…jumps in, washes armpits, crotch and ass, and feet, rinses, jumps out. I don’t know if this is all men, but damn! I couldn't take a 5 minute shower if my life depended on it!
5.       I've noticed a lot of toothpaste on my mirror. I couldn't figure out why since both my husband and I are pretty good about not spewing toothpaste while brushing. This morning I noticed where it was coming from. I was watching my son and eldest daughter brush and noticed that The Boy will hold his mouth open and splash while The Munchkin hovers over the sink (Probably due to the fact that she can’t reach the mirror yet). I’m not sure if this is a men V. women habit or a child V. adult habit. Either way, The Boy is the cause for my messy mirrors.